One of the key concepts the third letter presents is the power of double standards. Early on in the letter the point is made that one can so easy examine one’s own life with an incredible amount of effort and notice nothing wrong. However, the same person may be able to look at someone else and find a large number of aspects that seem less than perfect. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of this is the quality of analysis that can be done by a person on their own being, opposed to someone else. Everyone has traits, beliefs, and ideas that they keep to themselves for various reasons. This is not to say they’re necessarily bad, because they may be great or harmful. The key in this is that they are hidden and make it impossible for someone else to analyze how these things affect someone as a person. This leaves the less secret identity to be looked at.
These identities can easily turn into unimportant things such as the tone of voice, as Lewis gives as an example. If a person desperately needs help, they are probably not going to care a great deal if their doctor has a funny voice or not. They will care if that doctor has the skills, desire, and motivation to save their life. Yet, why does it often take great events and circumstances to get around the tendency to let little traits about a person get in the way of seeing their actual value, especially when everyone has a few traits that are bound to be annoying to someone else? Why do we struggle so much to understand that we are all so different and annoy each other in one way or another, no matter how much we might want to deny it? Why does this turn into judgment and circumstances that are really bad and would be best avoided? It seems to be a simple fact of life, part of the human condition. It would be wonderful if this could be changed, but that hasn’t happened yet.
5 comments:
I do not fully comprehend as to why people need great events in order for these traits to be revealed. One reason could be that they do not want others knowing their "flaws" so they put their "best foot" forward. I can be resulting from fear of rejection and/or acceptance or wanting to see if the other person can be trusted with their "secrets"
so they are not hurt. Some people walk around not realizing their worth to others because we live in a world of facades and impressions so it is easier and convenient to go with the flow of things. I believe that you are right about people expressing their identities and that good can come from good and bad traits if we allow it. However, generally people only want to see good and not the bad. Judgment occurs for various reasons such as, focusing on an individuals bad traits to bring them down in front of others so that the other person can look good. Another reason is in order for a person to feel good about their flaws or even to not feel bad about their inadequacies, they have to judge or criticize someone else; that is human nature and a sign of immaturity. Change is possible to people who are willing to be changed. First, they have to admit that there are flaws and some people do not allow that. Then, people have to face their realities and actually do something about it but that is too much work. It is easier to lay blame and accountability on others and circumstances than oneself.
Kenion,
I think you're right when you say, "The key in this is that they are hidden".
Humans don't do too well when facing the unknown, do we? I wonder if there is a connection between the unknown and pride. For example, I don't know you very well, Kenion--there's a lot of mystery in you for me yet to discover. Now, I could just assume that I know human nature well enough that I can assume things about you and operate based on those assumptions...but then again, that would be prideful.
That's interesting that we almost blogged on the same issue. I really agree with everything you said, thats why I included it in mine. I think by holding in one's self and personality hurts our society. I cant begin to imagine how many gifts that God has given many us that have not been carried out or have flourished with the individual. I think many people are self-conscious these days and that really is ruining what people COULD be.
Kenion,
I like your post. I think there are several ways of looking at why we stay "inside ourselves" and want to reveal little about ourselves (whether good or bad). First, we fear rejection from those around us. We fear not only what those close to us think, but also what the community around us thinks. I can't explain it, but often we are more comfortable to live in pain and stay within our shell than risk humiliation and rejection.
Second, we have very much become a society that conforms to standards. The media shows us how we should look and behave. I find it very sad that those that show their individualism are often ridiculed by society. In a very simple example, my 5 year old has a mohawk and when I am out with him many people (predominantly adults) look at me like I am some kind of evil father. I urge my kids to be themselves, follow their non-evil desires, and not worry about conforming. If someone is "out there" we tend to take instant notice and often make comments which may not be loving. I believe God made us all with unique talents, abilities, and thoughts, and we are slapping God in the face when we fail to express the gifts he has given us.
Finally, speaking on a Christian level, the majority of us feel we need to show that God has done a work in us and we are doing "great". Expressing our inner most thoughts, fears, pains, and desires shows that we are human and not "holy". I know that I have counseled many men and yet will only share my inner most being with my best friend for fear that I look less of a man to those around me. Yes, I guess that is the definition of a hypocrite. Sadly, that is the opposite of what we are supposed to do. Somehow I think we are happiest when we can rely on each other, share everything, and still love each other regardless of the "ugliness" that we all have as humans.
Easy to say...oh so tough to do!
Oh yeah...go Cubs!
I have to agree with you, Kenion. I took it a bit further in my analysis, though. I think that it's those small things which we barely notice that he wants to build upon. You can't make a mountain out of a molehill, but if you give it enough time, the mole can erode everything around its hill. The world would be better if we all looked at these small things, like how we present ourselves to the world. The Ramones nailed it when they wrote,
"If people weren't such dicks and I never made mistakes
Then I could find forgiveness
Take my hand
Please help me man
'Cause I'm looking for something to believe in
And I don't know where to start
And I don't know where to begin, oh no."
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